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I need to do this- for me, for my piece of mind, my sanity. I need to resist. Pull-away. Retreat. If I don’t feel anything at all, I can’t feel what I feel now. What I felt yesterday- the negative whole, dark and dreary, that I constantly have to pull myself out of. So many books remind you that without feeling anything, you are depriving yourself of happiness. But, how good does that really feel? It’s a feeling that’s hardly steady, barely existent, mostly felt only in brief moments. Maybe it’s me- my insecurities, my emptiness, my inability to truly love anything or maybe it’s just that I love everything far too much. Perhaps it’s my sweetness- my too-big of a heart, worn on my sleeve, discouraging anyone from ever really loving me. If those are not it then it must be the walking warning sign that I’ve become wearing bright flashing lights reading “BEWARE: TOO DIFFICULT TO LOVE.” Either way, whatever it is, I have found it to be entirely discouraging and discovered that feeling less instead of more is much easier.