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I couldn’t explain why I felt feelings of such extremity- and certainly not now. When I was sad, I was really sad. And when I was angry, I felt like I was bursting at the seams. The strangest part was the incapability to recognize who it was or what exactly it was, that was the cause of possessing me with these feelings that were comparable to my heart breaking.  There is nothing more honest than your bodies’ natural internal interpretation of external factors- there to physically remind you of how bad it really hurts as if you didn’t already know.  It was this feeling that was all too familiar- I knew it too well.  But the feeling wasn’t the worst of it. It was the permanence of it: the feeling that you were stuck- So entirely consumed in negativity that you found yourself gasping for air, begging to see the light, on the verge of drowning in it. It’s always at the most inopportune moments that you realize that you are truly alone, isn’t it? Right when you’ve taken the leap, reaching for someone to pull you up and there’s no one there. I suppose your only option is to swallow each negative thought as an anchor and allow yourself to sink- allow it to consume you entirely or to recognize the fleeting moment that these thoughts are encompassed and pull yourself above the surface because we all know that no one else will. That’s the son-of-a-bitch part of life and the people part of it.  Like those negative thoughts, you don’t recognize their impermanence while you’re allowing them to consume you entirely: your time, your energy, and your every emotion. No matter how much you once loved someone, in past tense it loses its love, it’s meaning, it’s everything- It becomes dispensable. That’s when I started to spend my life trying to learn how to feel less. If I didn’t feel for anyone, how could they feel for me? And if I didn’t have that, I would never feel burdened by the thought of drowning on the dependence of someone else or being alone unjustifiably because this time I chose to be.